i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
