He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
