:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
