he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
