I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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