every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
