please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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