A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize