he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
