why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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