i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is that strawberry winking at me??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
