I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
