There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize