I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
