last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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