I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize