I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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