weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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