I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
