and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't deserve a penis
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
