It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
