i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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