I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
