grandma shit on top of the toilet
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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