my mouth tastes like poor choices
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
