Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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