The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
