I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
