hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
this boner is exhausting
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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