these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
