im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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