Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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