At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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