i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
