Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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