Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
