I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
