Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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