I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
