i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
