So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
