just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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