She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
