Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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