you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
