I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
