wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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