Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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