that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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