Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
