Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
