The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
