Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
