You're so nebulous sometimes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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