By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
