You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
