Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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