why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
