I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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