textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
