Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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