he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
