Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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