you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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