The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
