i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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