I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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