sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
