I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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