did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize