She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
