All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
