Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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