you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
