Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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