Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize