well you can't waste a boner
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
