I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
