FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
